she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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