Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
