He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have post one night stand depression
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