I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
