TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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