i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
no you cant smoke seaweed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
