hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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