I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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