Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
