can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
