yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
