There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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