I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
