Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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