I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
