There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
