That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
