I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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