I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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