Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
