me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
