My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
