I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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