and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
