I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
