i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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