so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
