why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
