That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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