she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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