you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
