Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
