I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
