My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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