I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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