He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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