She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
