you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
