absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
