I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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