there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
