marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
