he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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