areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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