Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
