Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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