first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
