I never want to see another naked old woman again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So vagazzling was a success
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
