hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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