haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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