Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
