Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
