Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
