I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
