We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Sober January is a disaster.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
