awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
