Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
