just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
