So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
