I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
